Postscript (PS)

I want to write a book or a story something.
It's a little seed right now, itching to find its way out into the sunshine.
Characters flit through my mind, leaving behind their scent and shadows.
I wonder if it will come through my fingers or not.

Time will tell

Love

There is a yearning deep within me to love people.

Unfortunately I'm not really "good" so I don't have that yearning with everyone. That would make obnoxious and annoying people in my life easier to tolerate. I suppose for that I must learn that golden nugget called patience.

Sometimes I'm not sure that what I do says love to those I love the most. Or even those who love me most.

I'm not patient.
I love to talk - to a fault.
I let my tiredness affect my moods.
I am not always gentle.
I am blunt.
I am not always brave enough to be blunt in a situation that surprises me.

So starting from tonight, I pledge to be kind but wise in my words.
To love fully those all around me.
To listen first and encourage second. My concerns can wait.
To speak sweetly and with love.
To have the courage to speak out when I need to and the wisdom to hold my tongue as well.

There are so many people around me that I have been blessed with. I feel as if I'm not really close to many although I could be.
I always seem to be missing that essential element called time. It slips through my fingers, a whispering silk scarf lost beneath the bridge.

Help me, Father, to love and to live for You.

Upside Down

Tonight has been a strange one.
I learned that a wedding cake to feed all my guests will total something close to $370.
That's $100 more than my wedding dress cost - which I at least will get to keep past the wedding!

And what's more health insurance to cover both me and Chris will cost maybe $400.
I could probably find a house for rent cheaper or as much.

What's the deal? Is there any perspective here?

And I struggle to keep my head above water.
I want to be a good steward of money - to buy things that are useful and will make mine and others lives better. The term "enhance" comes to mind.

Similarly the Christian life is full of backwards ideas.

¹⁶So the last will be first, and the first last." Matthew 20:16

³⁵And he sat down and called the twelve. And he said to them, "If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all." Mark 9:35

I have toturn my world upside down. I have to fight to keep His perspective as my perspective.

And I need His help so very, very much right now.

To Do lIst

In no particular order....
* write a book
* get married
* take more time to spend outside in God's green earth
* get more sleep
* travel
* take a road trip
* go hiking
* read more
* spend more time with my family
* visit my grandparents in Zim again
* have children
* read to small children
* go to a museum
* visit a zoo or an aquarium
* cook more

There. That's my little selfish quota of the day. I do like to dream a little sometimes...